Padron Thousand Series
This is the specific number of job applications it will take to get you back into the game - a thousand. So Padron, take it away. (Amazingly, after all those apps, resumes, cover letters, and other nonsense, it'll be a personal connection that gets you a job in the end. We wonder why applications even exist anymore.) Obviously, cigars for when you've been laid off cannot cost a bundle. That's why these ones fit so well. But they also give you really solid value for the money. There's a lot of smokes to choose from in the Thousand Series line of cigars, so find one that speaks to you and puff away.
Perdomo Reserve Champagne Noir
Champagne = celebration. Champagne noir ("black champagne") = the opposite of celebration. So there you go. The "noir" part of this smoke was fairly straightforward. The Perdomo folks took their popular Champagne cigar and wrapped it in Maduro. Bam. Darkness. The flavor is mighty fine and this stick has gotten a 90+ rating. It's not too expensive, either, so on our list it goes.
Puros Indios Reserva Maxima 2003
The 2003 Nissan Maxima - your next ride! Sorry bud, your dream automotive upgrade has turned into a downgrade for now. But don't worry: the car will probably be dead before your luck runs out. Someday, you'll be driving something a little more fun. But for today, low cost (they actually paid you to take title to this thing) and sensible mileage are your main concerns. As for the smoke, it's inexpensive too, but made by one of the world's very best blenders. Enjoy it with the compliments of Rolando Reyes, Sr.
Tatuaje Ambos Mundos
The name means "both worlds," which you're currently between: the world of work, and the world of... not. Actually, you're not between. But just like tripping on mushrooms, it might be fun if you decide to do it, but if it's forced on you by surprise, not so much. Ambos Mundos is an affordable option from a strong brand. Light it up and plot your way back to gainful employment.
Alec Bradley Black Market
Eff it, just turn to selling drugs. It works for the big pharma boys. It works for famous rappers. It can work for you, too. And if you're bad at it and you get pinched - hey, free room and board! Much like your new Contacts list, this stick features entries from all over Latin America: Honduran and Panamanian long fillers, plus a Nicaraguan wrapper. And like our other picks, this one won't break the bank.
Like your mood, this one is on the dark side. But there's good news: it can still catch fire. This isn't a bad way to think about unemployment, either. Some cigars go out for a bit and they're hard to get lit again. But that doesn't mean that, once they're well and truly sparked, that they won't be amazing, fiery, and flavorful. Hang in there, friend. Soon enough you'll be cherried up again and stinking up the place like you should be!