5 Cigars to Smoke When You Get Cheated On
Getting cheated on is a cruel hand for fate to deal you. Against all odds, someone loved you and you loved them back. You became vulnerable. You let them into your world. You trusted them. And, like a precious wildflower finally opening its petals to catch the early summer sun, you were trampled by a rampaging moose. Now, stalk pressed firmly into the mud, you're ready for the hereafter.
At a time like this, a drink and a nice smoke could be exactly what you need to sulk, ruminate, and eventually realize that you dodged a bullet and your life is headed in a better direction.
Next time, you'll be the one doing the cheating!—Wait, no. That's not the lesson.
Next time you'll tap their phone and install tracking devices in their car!—Wait, that doesn't sound right either.
Next time you'll be more selective and ignore fewer red flags (like the fact that you met this person when they were cheating on their old ex). Yeah, that sounds about right. That's the lesson this time.
Anyway, here are our broken-hearted smokes.
Litto Gomez Diez - Small Batch
As in, you'd like to drink a small batch of arsenic with a cyanide-dusted rim on the glass. Skip that and smoke this rarified Dominican puro. Unlike your former lover, this one is totally true, through and through. It's all yours and simply asks that you enjoy the ride.
Sure, you'd love to put out the nub in someone's eye, but is it really worth the trip to jail? Okay, don't answer that. Let's stay out of jail for now. There are very few decent cigars or opportunities to smoke them in there. That's reason enough today.
Macanudo - Robust
As in, you're going to have a robust bonfire with all of his/her belongings in it. And you're going to light this cigar off it, provided you aren't too drunk to wander near open flames.
Let's talk about the smoke a bit. This Mexican wonder is really well balanced, gives a ton of flavor, and comes in a variety of shapes and sizes.
Do you know what else comes in a lot of shapes and sizes? Lovers! Start building your new one in your dreams. You won't get anywhere near that in real life, but at least when you're asleep you'll be having good times.
What's that? All you do is replay the long-gone good times in your dreams? Damn, friend. Maybe just look into insomnia then? Oh, you're already there? Well, dang. We're out of ideas.
Let's fire up a cigar.
Man O' War - Ruination
Well, doesn't this one say it all? Full flavored, strong, and absolutely out to grab your ass and take you on a trip down the Highway to Hell that is your life now. This smoke is not for the faint-hearted. For those of you that can't feel anything anymore, this might be the cigar that will bring you back to life! The band features a Spartan helm and should signal to you that you're up against bad odds and somehow have to find a way to win anyhow.
We believe in you. Stand your ground.
Montecristo - White Vintage
Remember the days when lovers were true? When everything was white and pure and innocent?
We don't. You must be thinking of a different planet.
But we do remember a time when we believed in that stuff. And we have the power to believe it again, as many times as it takes. Remember: not everyone is a scumbag. On the dice table of life, you may keep rolling snake eyes and wondering if there are any other numbers on those goddamn dice after all. Give 'em another shake, rattle, and roll. If it comes up again you have our permission to toss 'em and go play something else.
Oh yeah, the cigar! This blend has a lot going on but still manages to come off smooth. Vanilla, toasted nuts, spice, and more will come in through your draws, but the White Vintage won't overwhelm you. Looking for a tender, healing smoke? This one won't do you dirty.
Nat Sherman - Metropolitan
Hit the town! The night is young and you're actually free. The upside of having a relationship go to hell in a handbasket is that you can play the field and eff around. Don't like someone? Forget 'em! Not feeling the vibe, feeling suffocated, feeling pressured? Skip out! You're bound to no one. Soon enough you'll be pulled in again but for now, revel in your liberty. You'll be missing it again before too long.
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