There's nothing quite like getting to celebrate a promotion with a fantastic premium cigar. After hours and hours of soul-crushing work, you're finally being acknowledged for your considerable contributions to the company. By producing six or seven-figure returns to the owner(s), you're getting an $11K bump this year and a ton more responsibility. Thanks, boss! To celebrate your continuation down the path that inevitably leads to alienation of your family and at least a double bypass, you're going to need a quality smoke. Here are a few choices to celebrate a promotion that makes sense. Boom! Ba-bang! Pop-pop-pop! The sky is alight with celebration. Well done! This stick is a firecracker of a cigar and with medium-full strength, Nicaraguan tobacco will have you seeing lights if you go at it too fast. The name of this one made us wonder, are exploding cigars still a thing? We were unable to find any but it seems that tiny poppers can be inserted into cigars for a similar impact. The problem is, they're so wimpy that you won't get that Looney Toons effect you might be after. Better to find a military buddy who's into explosives and ask him what he recommends. (But be sure to tell him that you want to play a joke, however, and not "neutralize a threat.") Did you become "the big" boss? Just a little boss? It doesn't matter. As long as there's one person beneath you, it's time to puff out your chest and act like an asshole. This cigar from Espinosa will put you in the right mood to celebrate a promotion. You're the alpha dog now, and the other two people on the logistics team will have to bow the fuck down. Never mind the fact that your direct boss literally made you piss your pants the last time he berated you, you're on your way to the top! Or at least a rung of the corporate ladder with a little less poop on it. You give "Maxx" effort and now it's time for Maxx compensation. What, you only got a 3% bump after 4 years without a single raise, bonus, or "thank you?" Ah, never mind. You're big ballin' now! Pretty soon you'll have equity options and a sweet receptionist that will actually boss you around because she's 63, set in her ways, and so close to retirement her mind actually split from her body, leaving an irritable human shell behind at her desk to close out her career. But still, this is a pretty decent smoke right here. You see, work/life balance is a tricky thing. Work hard and you might make bank and score promotions. Work too hard and you'll be having a breakdown right in the office where you flip out, toss papers, kick a computer, yank down a file cabinet, and finish up by taking a steamer right on the desk of whoever pulled the last straw. This strong-ass chocolaty cigar will bring you back to reality and remind you that yes, your mental health is at stake in the workplace. Take a break, man! It might sound nice to wear whites, have someone else make all your meals, and chill in the day room watching TV all day, but trust us, you don't ever want to get committed. That Lil' bonus just ain't worth it. Gold = pay me. Or you, rather. This cigar looks clean and kind, but it packs some seriously interesting flavors. You'll find earthy herbal smells and hints of leather and light spice. It's also one of those cigars that's pretty and tasty. If you're someone who loves to savor flavors and explore complex smokes, this is a decent pickup. Keep stacking up that gold. "Shadows and smoke, Maximus... shadows and smoke..." Okay, we're not great with quotes, but we're sure Gladiator featured something like that. Anyway, if you've recently become the emperor (or you're aiming to put a dagger in the emperor's throat in the near future), this is a quality cigar to smoke while pondering your plans. This is a dark beauty with a 93 rating that is sure to please. Be ready for sweetness and espresso. All right - go enjoy that mild pay increase (that the government will take a big juicy bite out of) and keep spinning that hamster wheel. The next food pellet is right around the bend!